La Belle Miette

A macaroon lovers paradise

7/10

30 Hardware Lane, Melbourne

La Belle Miette is a very simple and small shop, serving only macaroons and coffee, tea and lemonade. The shop itself obviously attempts to invoke an elegant Parisian store, and it is a nice addition to the sometimes tacky establishments that line Hardware Lane. La Belle Miette uses a simple formula that is winning many fans, and you only have to visit at around lunch time to see how popular the tiny store has become.

And herein lies part of the problem, as on many occasions recently I have popped in for a mid-morning or afternoon macaroon fix, only to wait in an incredibly slow moving queue, eventually giving up in frustration and returning to the office minus my sugar fix. The shop is so small that it can only fit two staff behind the counter (and that is probably pushing it) meaning that if there is a crowd, service can be slow. Last time I attempted a macaroon run, one staff member was busy making coffees and the other was stuck serving an incredibly finicky woman who was buying about 7,000 macaroons and constantly changing her mind about which flavours she wanted. It went something like, ‘I’ll have 17 pistachio … no wait … make that 15 pistachio and 13 lemon blossom and sake … no wait …’. It was painful to say the least and I left frustrated and empty handed.

BUT if you do manage to visit at a quieter time and snag yourself one of their macaroons ($2.50 each, unless you opt for the Cocoa Single Origin Venezuelan Chocolate, which is $2.80), you won’t be disappointed. The macaroons themselves are tight little packages of loveliness, and I have sampled the rose, violent, raspberry and caramel to name just a few.

The flavours seem to change on a regular basis, but the quality of the macaroon itself remains the same. That said, the macaroons are not the best you will get in the world, or even Melbourne for that matter. The macaroons at Hardware Society, not far down the road, pack far more of a flavour punch and come in a more generous size. Of course, at Hardware Society you can’t get the lovely little boxes that La Belle Miette can provide. A box of La Belle Miette macaroons would delight any self respecting grandparent.

Only time will tell if the macaroon craze will last or fade away into obscurity, but La Belle Miette is a welcome new addition to the Melbourne CBD.

Chin Chin

Asian taste sensations in a funky space, but bring ear plugs

9/10

125 Flinders Lane, Melbourne

www.chinchinrestaurant.com.au

Only opening in May this year, Chin Chin has forged itself big reputation. Like Mamasita (which really could be viewed as Chin Chin’s Mexican sibling) the place is full on a week night by 6.30 pm. And this is another Melbourne restaurant adopting the no bookings policy, which can create some stress around dining at Chin Chin.

Luckily we arrived at 6 pm and were seated within 5 minutes, although 5 minutes waiting on a freezing cold evening on Flinders lane can seem like a long time. Another note is that with the layout of the tables at Chin Chin, a group larger than four people would probably struggle to get a table without a long wait, so I advise visiting in groups of four or smaller.

The space itself it very “cool” – it has funky wallpaper and clean shiny surfaces. It feels a little upmarket without being stuffy. The place buzzes with people at the bar waiting for a table, waiters rushing around and diners chatting. In fact, combined with the music (which on my visit weirdly included music from that glorious 90s band All Saints) and the constantly ringing phone at the front desk, you almost need a paper and pen to write down what you are trying to say to your dining companion. But with atmosphere this good (and I haven’t even started on the food yet) it doesn’t really matter. I just wouldn’t recommend taking your parents/grandmother/the hearing impaired here, as they would hate it.

The wine list is ok – not a great selection by the glass, but I really liked the house wine options of a pinot gris or a pinto noir. At either $6.50 a glass or around $20 for a small carafe, they were both good quality drops at pretty reasonable prices. They also serve ice cold Beer Lao, possible the best beer in the world (in my opinion anyway). But the food really is the reason why people shiver outside on Flinders Lane waiting for a table. The entrees average around the $8 - $12 mark and the mains around the $22 - $30 mark. Sharing is encouraged, and why wouldn’t you to ensure a maximum array of amazing flavours. The spun egg rolls with crab and coconut were indescribably good. The twice cooked beef short ribs were fall-apart-tender on your fork. If anyone knows how to make meat this amazingly tender, please tell me and I will worship you. The crispy barramundi with pork was another highlight, although I must admit the pork was a little fatty. The beef salad with cherry tomatoes and PLENTY of chilli was eye wateringly hot, but loving spicy food I was happy. Oh, and even the rice is exceptionally good at Chin Chin. I have no idea what they do with it, but wow, it was delicious. My dining companions and I didn’t talk much as we all fell in love with what we were eating. And when we don’t talk, something must be up.

The service at Chin Chin was also spot on. The waiter was a little over familiar at times, but I couldn’t fault the pacing of the food or the drinks service. I even liked the little touches, such as the wine waiter wearing an apron that said “wine guy” or not being made to feel guilty about wanting tap water instead of paying through the nose for bottled.

So, with good reason, Chin Chin takes its place as one of the cities most popular restaurants. Per person our lovely meal (plus two glasses of wine each) came to around $45. For the quality of the food and service, plus the location and atmosphere, I think that is bang for your buck. The Melbourne CBD needs more restaurants like Chin Chin, that feel a bit special, have amazing food, but don’t leave you weeping at the sight of the bill. Chin Chin,I promise I will return.

HuTong Dumpling Bar

Beautiful dumplings at decent prices. Shame about the service …

8.5/10

14-16 Market Ln
Melbourne

http://hutong.com.au/

I have now tried both HuTong restaurants (Prahran and the city) and the hands down winner for value and food is the city restaurant. But hands down for service goes to Prahran. I think it has something to do with the whole attitude that sometimes develops in china town restaurants in Melbourne, where no matter the level of rudeness and disdain that is handed out to customers, people will return. Which they (and I) invariably do. Case in point – I have been to HuTong twice in the city despite receiving pretty darn rude service. And I plan to go back. Because unfortunately, with food that good and fast, and prices that low, and BYO to top it all off, it simply cannot be beaten in Melbourne. The Prahran branch has to compete a little more with the surrounding restaurants, so probably can’t afford to adopt it siblings attitude to customers.

Although, as a side note, the original HuTong restaurant in the city win the rudest staff in China Town award. No, that coveted prize goes to Shark Finn Inn, where I was once told that I could not have a glass of water “because there was a drought”. Seriously, I am not lying.

Moving back on track, so why HuTong pulls in the crowds and attract endless blog posts? First, the décor is modern and a step up from its neighbouring restaurants. The tables are nicely spaced, the lighting dim and it isn’t too noisy. Second, the food is fast, fresh and seriously good. Their famous Xioa long bao (delicate dumplings filled with a soup) live up to their reputation, but I thought that their steamed scallop dumplings were the stand outs for the night with their delicate encasing and sweet scallop centre.

The "famous" xioa long bao

The chilli wontons were also delicious, but the let downs were the spinach dumplings due to a slightly stodgy dough. All plates of dumplings hover around the $9-$10 mark, and to feed four people you shouldn’t need to spend more than $25 a head. If you have bought along a few bottles of wine, this makes for a merry and reasonable Friday night dinner. I haven’t yet delved into the other menu options at HuTong, as I am still mildly obsessed with the dumplings, but I hear the claypots are worth the journey. In terms of desserts, I went for the childhood favourite of banana fritter, which was delicious but disturbingly phallic due to the unfortunate placing of two balls of ice-cream.

To finish, I want to make clear that the problem with the service at HuTong does not lie with the younger staff, who are all courteous and efficient. Rather, it is the management who scowl at customers and talk down to those who dare ask questions, that need to be reminded of a few simple customer service principles. If this improved, HuTong would be a real winner in the Melbourne dining scene. This said, considering that it take two weeks to get a weekend booking there, I don’t think they are too worried.

Mamasita, fresh and fabulous Mexican, if you can survive the queue

Level 1, 11 Collins St, Melbourne

9.5/10 (half a point deducted because of the stressful process of securing a table)

I’ve put off going to Mamasita for a while, put off by the hype, but now I am a true convert. The only bad thing about Mamasita is the difficulties that you have to endure in getting a table. Everything else about this truly unique restaurant is fabulous. I am hard to impress, and went to Mamasita with high expectations and left with them exceeded. It truly was a great dining experience, as good (or better) than many of the top Melbourne restaurants, at a fraction at the price.

So what is so good about Mamasita? Well, of course, the food is the star of the show. Fresh, light and perfectly balanced Mexican food, like you have never had before. It sticks to the traditional soft taco/quesadilla path, but includes beautiful homemade salsas (truly to die for), fresh seafood, herbs, spices and all things wonderful in the world of food. And the cocktails! Don’t get me started on the margaritas. At $60 a jug, they are not cheap, but as a long time hater of tequila (from several bad tequila shots related incidents), I was blown away. The mix of fresh lime, quality tequila, ice and the salted rim was worth every cent. They sure packed a punch, and after half a glass my companions and I were giggling away with rosy cheeks. After two glasses I was three sheets to the wind. I opted for a glass of wine after that, afraid that I would topple off my high stool if I downed another margarita.

The deal with getting a table with Mamasita is simple - arrive early. This will involve you heading out for dinner at a “nanna” time. I went on a Friday night, arriving at around 5.30 pm and I still had to line up for twenty minutes to get a table. The queue was already extending down the stairs and onto Collins St. The queue remained that long (and even longer at times) throughout the night, although by the time we left it had started to shorten. So arrive very early, or very late, to avoid having to stand awkwardly on the steps staring down those who have a table to try to make them eat faster and leave.

The queue at Mamasita - 5.30 pm!


But once you are in, the fun begins. You would think that the service at Mamasita would suffer because of the constant turn over of tables and amount of people hanging around wanting a seat. I have worked in extremely busy places like this, and believe me, it is exhausting never getting a breather between tables. However, the service was fabulous and the staff were friendly and efficient. Our table of five people ordered a range of food to share, and it was brought out at well spaced intervals. We started with two types of tostadas (small crispy tortillas), the first topped with lime cured fish, guacamole, nasturtiums & serrano chilli ($14), the second with sweet corn, black beans, epazote, jalapeno salsa & queso fresco ($12). They were both tasty, but the lime cured fish was the stand out. We then had two kinds of soft tacos, the first with grilled fish with lime, achiote paste & red onion salsa ($16), and the prawns with habanero chillies & chipotle almond salsa ($18). They were served with an extra salsa on the side that when combined, took the tacos to another level. Less impressive was the quesadilla of mexican truffle, mushrooms, roasted corn, epazote & queso fresco ($14), which, whilst pleasant tasting, just didn’t have the punch of the other dishes. But this food, mixed with the previously mentioned magnificent margaritas, equalled one of the best meals I have had in a long time. Combined with the buzz of the restaurant and the great service, it was a truly wonderful eating experience. I left a bit drunk, full, happy and ready to go back straight away. Although, I am not looking forward to that queue again!

Maha Bar and Grill - Good but not great

21 Bond St, Melbourne

7.5/10

I have wanted to dine at Maha for quite some time, after hearing many positive reviews from multiple sources. I was a little bit concerned however, as I had heard similar things about the Press Club (and Maha is owned by the same people) and eating there was one of the most disappointing dining experiences I have had in Melbourne (and the $400 bill that went with it made the experience even more painful). With this sense of worry hanging over me, my meal at Maha did start inauspiciously, although through no fault of the restaurant, but by way of my own clumsiness. Sitting in Maha’s bar for a pre dinner drink, I somehow managed to spill the majority of my glass of champagne all over myself (and this is before I had more than a few sips of alcohol). Mass panic ensued (as I was wearing a pink silk top that now resembled a wet rag) but the staff at Maha were quick to respond with a bottle of soda water and a clean cloth to soak up the stain. Feeling slightly sheepish, Husband and I decided to start dinner a bit earlier rather than risk me flinging another drink across the room in the bar.

First impressions of Maha were good - the layout is open and the colours warm and inviting. The space feels a bit plush but not over the top, as some middle eastern restaurants can do. Booking was also a breeze at Maha, with my email enquiry quickly followed up by the restaurant. Although, I must say that I was surprised to see Maha only two third full on a Friday night, so perhaps booking is not as essential here as I imagined.

Husband and I choose the four course soufra ($75), which was the perfect amount of food for a Friday night where you cannot be bothered to navigate a menu and would rather the chef decide for you. To drink we choose individual wines by the glass (as the standard white or red debate between Husband and I often prevents us from ordering a bottle). I first had the Kreglinger sparkling from Pipers Brook ($14) and then went for the Ten Minutes by Tractor sav blanc, also a steal at $14.5 a glass (I hope you sense the sarcasm there). Husband drank a Chatneuf de Pape at $20 a glass (which according to him was “delicious”). As you can see, drinks are not cheap at Maha, perhaps to push people into having the wines to match at an extra $55 a head.

The first course is a mezze plate of “cold dishes”, which really just means bread, dips, olives and a little glass of soup with a meat ball sitting on top. Simple, but tasty. The second course were “hot mezze”, a mouth-watering small plate of pork belly on a bed of skordalia and another small plate of “prawn toast”. Both were the dishes of the night, especially the pork belly, which is such a fad at the moment that I think every restaurant in Melbourne, be it French, Thai or Japanese, seems to be cracking it out (excuse the pun). Despite the proliferation of pork belly in the streets of Melbourne (oh, all those poor pigs!), Maha’s belly most definitely stands out. It was moist, sweet and full of flavour.

The main courses, or the “sahen kbeer”, consisted of slow roasted lamb, green olive tabouleh, garlicky potatoes, and a barramundi dish. The tabouleh was the best I have ever eaten (sorry Mum!) and the potatoes were a perfect mix of garlic and butter. They were taste sensations. The lamb and fish were good, but not incredible. They didn’t lift up beyond the “good” level, when really, you would expect for Maha’s prices and reputation that I would be raving about the lamb like it was my long lost child. Deserts were also “good”, but not amazing. The Turkish delight filled donuts were tasty, although the dough wasn’t as light and airy as I expected. They didn’t match up to the bobolinos at Becco, which will always hold a little candle in my heart.

So the food at Maha walked the line between good and very good, but didn’t quite hit the heights I was hoping for. The service was also a little terse. Yes, it was very efficient, to the point that it seemed like there were too many staff for the amount of guests. But it didn’t feel as warm as you would like for what is meant to be a “rustic” experience (as the waitress described the food to me at the beginning of the meal). I felt like telling the waitress at one point that a smile wouldn’t crack her face. Although, perhaps she looked so serious because she was trying not to laugh at my champagne stained chest.

My final niggle is that I also felt as though the four courses came out a little too soon on the back of each other, with the whole meal being over in under an hour. A bit more time to linger between courses and to savour our overpriced glasses of wine would have been nice. But I do wonder if it was an unusually quiet Friday night for Maha, meaning that the food was being flung out of the kitchen at a quicker than normal pace.

So, after our fast paced meal, Husband and I headed off into the not-so-black night (it was only 8.30 pm and twilight was still lingering), and we were tucked up in bed nice and early.

The verdict is that Maha is a good restaurant, it just isn’t great. But one thing is for sure - it was a hell of a lot better than the Press Club!

Ladro, a little piece of pizza heaven

162 Greville St, Prahran

8/10

I should first admit that I have never been to the Ladro original on Gertrude St, so this review is based solely on my experience of it’s Greville St sibling. And, after reading many negative reviews of the Greville St eatery, I was a little scared of what I would encounter on a busy Friday night. Most reviews savaged the slow and too-cool-for-school service as well as the noisy environment, with only a handful of reviewers giving positive comments. Well, it just goes to show that sometimes you need to experience things for yourself, because I found Ladro very pleasant overall.

Of course, as with anything, the evening wasn't without its hiccups. I had booked a table for two online that day, and was surprised that I was able to get my preferred time of 7 pm. I was expecting Ladro to be already booked out or to be relegated to the ‘nanna’ session of 6 pm. When I arrived alone, first impressions were good. The décor is simple and stark, but somehow still feels inviting and warm. It has a decent sized courtyard out the back and a good eating area on the street. But I had to stand awkwardly in a line of other new arrivals for a good five minutes before finally speaking to a waiter about my reservation. And then I learnt what booking a table last minute at Ladro for a Friday night gets you – the ‘crap table’. Wedged in between two large tables of South Yarra parents and their ‘bubs’ (I have to use that word because there is no other way to describe designer wearing two year old terrors in $1200 prams) was our ‘cosy’ table for two. Really, I would’ve needed ear plugs to sit there. Hardly relaxing after a full week of work when all you want is a large glass of wine and some good conversation. The waiter noticed my horror, and said that everything else was booked. In desperation I asked if I could sit outside, and the waiter said of course, even going so far as to recommend which table was most protected by the wind. So, once seated outside (under a very effective outdoor heater that meant I had to remove several layers of clothing), things got a lot better. Husband finally arrived, and we ordered some excellent glasses of wine. We choose the Italian white by the glass and the Italian red by the glass. At $12 each they weren’t cheap, but both were lovely well selected wines (apologies that I can’t remember what varietals they were, as the wines by the glass change regularly and there is no wine list I can refer to). By the time we ordered I was still waiting for some hint of snootiness or rudeness from the waiters, but the service had still been nothing but prompt and friendly. And there was no pushy ‘up-selling’ of extras as I had read in other reviews. In fact, I had to call back the waiter to ask for a salad with our pizzas.

But of course, the star of the show must always be the food. After arguing with Husband about his pizza selection, I relented and he ordered the Pomodori Verde ($23) a pizza topped with bufala, pickled green tomatoes, garlic, chilli and basil. On paper, the combination of ingredients didn’t excite me. But – my god – on the plate it was pure heaven. The pickled tomatoes were akin to jalapeños that had been soaked in lemon, and their lovely spicy zing combined with the soft cheese and chilli was a masterful combination. The pizza base itself was thin and crispy, without being dry. The true test of a great dish is whether I get a little weepy when eating something. And I did mist up a little bit when eating the Pomodori Verde. Less spectacular, but still tasty, was my pick of the Salami pizza ($21) which came topped with tomato, mozzarella, good quality salami and basil. My only criticism is that it lacked a little punch, and could have used some chilli or extra spice to take it to the next level. We also ordered a radicchio, rocket, chicory, fennel and witlof salad ($9.5), and the leaves were fresh, crunchy and lightly dressed, finishing off the whole meal nicely.

Another slight hiccup was the difficulties we experience in paying the bill, where we had to eventually get up and pay at the counter. Why, oh why, do restaurants not seem to care about letting customers pay the bill at the end of a meal? It’s not a problem that is isolated to Melbourne, but it really is ridiculous when you have to wait longer to pay the bill than for your food to arrive. I do also see how some reviewers struggled at Ladro when they had to sit in the main dining area. It was loud and packed very tightly, and I am not sure I would rush back there for dinner unless I could secure an outdoor table or one of the few tables for two along the window at the front of the main dining area. But overall, I was impressed, and Husband and I left with full bellies and big grins. Just the way it should be.

Dumplings Plus, 269 Swanston St, Melbourne

6/10

There is one thing that Melbourne does NOT have a shortage of, and that is cheap Asian eateries. But this oversupply of cheap Asian cuisine means that it is difficult to distinguish the “great value and delicious restaurant” from the “terrible and MSG filled impostors”. I have been attempting to broaden my range recently, so that when my friends try to force me to eat at the abhorrent Cami’s (the infamous Shanghai Dumpling House) I have somewhere else to suggest. I used to be a fan of North East China Family on Flinders Lane, but that relationship went down the toilet when they served me dumplings that tasted like dish water and were actually inedible.

So, my new regular is Dumplings Plus, a rambling restaurant off Swanston St. It has two levels plus a strange backroom (in front of the toilets, so avoid sitting there unless you like the smell of urinal cakes with your dinner). I will say in advance that Dumplings Plus is not that amazing. It is a place to go on a night where you want something quick, easy and not too pricey. So Dumplings Plus will do until I discover another cheap, easy to get a table at and semi-decent dumpling place.

The décor is on the upper end of the niceness scale for a cheap dumpling restaurant. There are pretty lanterns hanging from the ceiling and carved wooden furniture. It gives the place a warm feeling, unlike many of the brightly-lit, plastic table restaurants in the China Town area. The staff are also efficient and pleasant, although a weird incident did occur recently when my dining companion, who was feeling uncomfortable with the waitress intently watching her eat, had to ask the waitress to stop staring. The incident was a little odd (I suspect the waitress was just bored) but certainly not a deal breaker. So unless you have a deep seated fear of someone watching you eat, Dumplings Plus is certainly a decent option, and you won’t be left chasing the staff around in an attempt to get another beer or order your food (which can be the norm at many other China Town restaurants).

Another “plus” (he he, see what I did there?) is the hand made dumplings, which you can watch being efficiently formed by the chefs through a glass partition. The steamed dumplings are fresh and soft, and the fillings range from relatively ok (the vegetarian) to border line delicious (the meat variety). The “plus” in their name relates to all things Chinese, but I have only sampled the chive pancakes (if I was you, I’d give them a miss as they are overly fried and tasteless) and the morning glory (which I would also avoid, as it came covered in a gloopy, clear, unidentifiable sauce that gave it a unpleasant consistency).

Last time I ate there the bill came to $30 with drinks for two people. Not the cheapest option for China Town, but I would rather pay a few extra dollars and not have to endure establishments like Cami.

The Hardware Societe, a little piece of lunch time heaven

120 Hardware St, CBD Melbourne

9/10 on the lunch scale. There is no better lunch option (that I have tried) in Melbourne.

I almost don’t want to write a review of Hardware Societe, because I don’t want to make it anymore difficult to get a table there at lunchtime! But, sigh, in the name of Fill My Belly I will add to the avalanche of positive reviews out there on Hardware Societe. Because the place is a truly great find. Stuck up the quiet end of Hardware Lane (where it actually becomes Hardware Street), away from the awkward restaurants touts trying to convince you to come inside their restaurant, sits Hardware Societe (Note: if a restaurant has to encourage you to come inside by placing some poor bastard out the front to pounce on people passing by, it is not worth going to. I don’t like generalisations, but I can assure you, their food will be shit). Hardware Societe has the opposite problem of a lot of places on Hardware lane, in that it has too many people wanting a table. So if you want to eat there and not wait half an hour for a table, arrive at 12 pm. They don't take booking and the place is very small. When we arrived at 12 pm we snagged the last table.

Hardware Societe sadly only does breakfast and lunch. If it branched out for dinner it would do a roaring trade also. Because the food is lovely. It is hands down the best value meal I have had in Melbourne in a long time. Sure, $17 for lunch isn’t cheap, but for the quality of the food, the cute and quirky surrounding and the exceptional service, it is a bargain. The food compares to what you would get in a top end restaurant, but instead of paying $45 a meal, you are paying around $17. It certainly puts into perspective the mark ups that top up restaurants must add to their dishes. I am gushing I know, but this place shows us how lunch could be everyday of the week if other places took a leaf out of Hardware’s book. And what a wonderful world that would be.

The menu changes seasonally, and they also don’t have a website, so it is hard to tell you exactly what my friends and I ate (however, I am still having graphic food flash backs so it shouldn’t be too hard). To try to put their cuisine into words, think lots of cuisines and ingredients combined into a delicate balance of flavours. The menu contains about 10 options for lunch, and they all sounded so delicious that I had a minor panic attack when trying to pick what to order. I ate a pork escalope placed on a generous dollop of garlicy labna, with broad beans, peas and snow pea tendrils ($17). It was a generous serve and the pork was perfectly cooked and went beautifully with the labna. The peas and broad beans had been poached ever so slightly so that they kept their fresh flavour. I ate every last little bit of food on my plate. My friends had the pork belly special, which came with cous cous that had been “sexed” up with date molasses and rose water and tossed with roasted nectarines ($17). The pork belly had the requisite crunchy top and sweet, moist bottom. Other menu items included scallops, roasted lamb and vegetarian options.

The food was so good that you could ignore the various groups of people angling for a table and attempting to poach freshly vacated tables from those who had arrived before them. Because of the flood of people wanting a table, Hardware Societe becomes a bit of a jungle at lunchtime in this respect, but the staff cope well and I actually heard a waitress politely telling two people who had snagged a table that there were others who had been waiting longer.

Hardware also has a range of delicious looking sweet food, like macaroons (which a trusted source tells me are some of the best in Melbourne) and cakes. But sadly, I was down to the last 5 cents in my purse and couldn’t indulge. Oh well, this simply gives me an excuse to return. Although I think I will have to arrive at 11.55am next time ...

Tyranny of Distance, 147 Union Street, Windsor

4/10 (and that is being generous)

Perhaps the worst thing you can do is leave booking a Valentines day dinner till the last minute. Weeks in advance all the best places are already booked out. Combine this with Valentines day falling on a Monday this year, which meant that many restaurants weren’t even open (although that is pretty stupid on their part, as Valentines day is a licence to print money for restaurants and florists). So Husband and I were left a little stumped as to where to go. Finally we settled on a casual and cheap option where we could actually book a table. That option was Tyranny of Distance, a interesting looking bar/restaurant just off Chapel Street in Windsor. Tyranny has an open front, which gives you the impression that you are actually sitting outside, but with a bit of protection from the elements. It is a nice feeling on a sunny 26 degree day, although I suspect in winter this place feels a little chilly, even with outdoor heaters. But when we visited it was a perfect warm evening, and I was looking forward to some al fresco eating.

Sadly, the interesting fit out was about all I liked about Tyranny. There is nothing wrong with Tyranny as a bar, where you might meet friends on a warm evening for a beer or two. But if you plan to venture past a pot of beer, go elsewhere. And for this I include both wine and food.

Let me explain. We arrive, and are greeted by a casual waitress who shows us to a table for two. We are given menus and then left, for a long time. They place is around half full, so a capable waitress should be easily able to cope with that many people, but all the other customers appear in the same boat as us, desperate to order at least a drink and craning their necks to see where the waitress has disappeared to. We managed to waive her down and order our drinks and food. After a good ten minute wait (again, I can’t see what the hold up is) our drinks arrive. Husband has a white rabbit white ale ($8) and I have a glass of the Spinifex pinot noir 08 ($8.50). The beer is fine, cold and delicious. But the wine is tart and I suspect has been opened the night before. Added to this is the fact that it is served in a water glass (no wine glasses here) and all up amounts to no more than a few sips. This is laughable for $8.50 a glass. In the name of romance, I smile and continue to drink the glass of wine I would normally send back. What was also laughable was the state of the toilets at Tyranny. One unisex cubicle which looked worse than a nightclub toilet at 5 am. I will spare you the graphic description, but its close proximity to the kitchen makes you wonder about the hygiene of the whole place.

The food, when it arrives after a considerable wait, doesn’t really improve matters. I have the “paella”, allegedly slow cooked saffron rice with mixed seafood, chorizo, chicken, capsicum, and peas, ($20), which really is just seafood risotto, and a badly done one at that. The rice is gluggy and the chicken dry. The chorizo has been overcooked and lost its lovely flavour (if it ever had any to begin with). However, the prawns are quite nice and pull the dish out of the terrible category. Husband is not so lucky. His rib eye steak ($27) looks atrocious on the plate – the steak had broken in two during what appeared to be some form of wrestling match in the kitchen, and it was topped with overcooked asparagus and some form of onion concoction that resembled vomit. Because it was Valentines day, and you can’t complain too much about a restaurant when you are trying to be romantic, we struggle through our meals attempting to be positive. But really, as we both admitted in the car on the way home, the food was pretty abysmal.

We weren’t the only ones that appeared to struggle at Tyranny that night. One couple who arrived not long after us were sitting at their table for a good twenty minutes before they even received menus. They looked awkward and uncomfortable, so I suspect it was a date early on in their relationship and neither of them had the balls to suggest that they just left. I bet you once they received their food (which they still hadn’t got by the time we left) they wished they had. So in summary, if you want to eat food that you could cook better at home, practice your skills in flagging down a waitress and pay for overpriced old wine, head to Tyranny. Otherwise, go elsewhere, or simply settle in at Tyranny for a beer and enjoy a warm summers evening, because that is what it does best.

Birdman Eating, for people with bird like appetites.

238 Gertrude St Fitzroy

6.5/10

Spending most of my time in the South Eastern and CBD area, I made a brave foray into the fabulous dining world that lies across the other side of the Yarra. These suburbs are unexplored and exciting for me food wise, and every time I visit Smith St or Gertrude St I promise myself I will visit more (but then the inefficient and unwieldy nature of the Melbourne public transport system prevents me from fulfilling my promise). So this little journey was to Birdman Eating for dinner. Birdman is a restaurant that is known more for its breakfasts and brunches than for dinner, and apparently it is difficult to snag a table on weekend mornings. However, on this humid Wednesday night we had no problems getting a table for six (outside no less!), and the place remained half empty all night (in comparison to Ladro, a few doors down, which was packed to the gills). Upon arriving and perusing the menu I had a bit of a sinking feeling. I didn’t realise that Birdman Eating only did “small share plates” for dinner. Or, in other words, “small plates of food to ensure that you spend more than if you only had a main meal”.

Let me preface the following rant by saying that I love eating out in Melbourne and think we do world class food, no matter the cuisine. But, as yet, I am not convinced that we can do tapas, or the “small serving” thing, well. In Spain you can eat your fill of small and delightful treats for a reasonable price. It is the done thing in many bars and restaurants, and therefore there is competition and a need to keep things reasonably priced. The Spanish have also had many years to figure out what works well as a small serving shared amongst friends, and what does not. Melbourne has not figured this out. So what should be a relatively inexpensive way to eat out has become the opposite in Melbourne, and when you see the words “small plates”, “share plates” or “tapas”, be prepared to leave with a light stomach and an even lighter wallet.

Birdman Eating is unfortunately no different. The food was good, I don’t deny that. Our group had, all up, about 10 different small share plates between us. Most were delicious, such as the sous vide octopus with green olives & compressed watermelon salad ($18.50) and the slow roasted lamb shoulder with celery heart leaves, fetta, lemon & bread ($18). I am also still dreaming about the fried haloumi with red rice, dried sour cherry’s & pistachio salad ($15). The zucchini & fetta fritters ($10.50) were a bit dry and tasteless, and the skordalia ($9) did not hold a candle to others I have tried (for the BEST skordalia head to Mamacas on Chapel St). But really, the food was all pretty damn nice and used flavour combinations that I had never thought of before. The service was ok, if a little slow at times, but relatively friendly and smooth. The wine/beer list was also reasonable, although I am not a convert to the Mauritian Beer Phoenix ($8).

BUT here is my issue. Most dishes I wanted more of, but instead I was left with a few mouthfuls of intense flavours, and than I had to move onto another mouthful of different flavours. It was sensory overload. I would have much preferred a entrée and main of two of the dishes, which would easily be able to be “super sized” by the kitchen. I stopped tasting the differences and didn’t really feel like I got to completely enjoy and appreciate each dish. The dishes, as they were, just didn’t work as small shared plates. And of course there was the bill. For a weeknight casual dinner where none of us actually ate that much (I suspect the men in our dining group went home hungry and made toast) it was $65 a head. In my book that is too much for what we had, despite it all being fresh food made from quality ingredients. I suspect that it is this small and pricey approach towards dinner at Birdman that sees it half empty on a week night whilst the neighbouring restaurants are bursting at the seams. Maybe the Birdman should just stick to breakfast.

DonToo, 340 Little Lonsdale St, Shop 6

7.5/10 on the quick tasty lunch scale

Perhaps my all time favourite episode of Seinfeld (yes, a good part of my teen years were in the 90s, and I still make references to this classic sitcom, and cannot eat a pretzel without uttering the famous line ‘these pretzels are making me thirsty’ …) is the Soup Nazi Episode. In this episode the characters discover a great takeaway soup place, however to get any soup they have to conform to the rigid rules of the Soup Nazi when ordering. Because the soup is so good the characters keep returning, putting up with anything, until the fateful day that George asks for a bread role and the whole thing blows up …

Where am I going with this, you wonder? Well, a visit to DonToo certainly has elements of the Soup Nazi episode. This little Japanese eatery (which does lunch and dinner for prices below $15) is tucked away on Little Lonsdale St in the City, and it does a roaring trade. It is not unusual for the queue to stretch back 20 people long and out the door at lunch time. And if you don’t know what you want to order once you get to the front of the queue, God help you.

Today, in 39 degree heat, I brave that kind of whipping North wind that only Melbourne seems to be able to conjure up, and head there for lunch. Alone and red faced, I reach the front of the queue, dazed and confused. In my over heated state, I panic. I can’t remember what the name of the dish I want. ‘Yes!?’ says the woman at the counter. I scramble for the menu – I’ve forgotten my glasses – I squint. I yell out the first thing I see. In my panic I don’t hear here ask/shout ‘Eat here or Takeaway!?!’. I pause, silent. Rookie mistake. The question gets shouted again. ‘Eat here’ I suddenly answer, back on the ball. If this was the Soup Nazi I would be kicked out. But DonToo, even with its brisk and quick service, won’t kick you out if you don’t follow the ordering rules. You’ll just cop a dirty look. I can deal with that, as long as the food is good. So, five seconds after placing my order, I pick my food up from the counter – yes, the service and food is that fast – and I squeeze into a seat to eat. Luckily I managed to order what I wanted, a Sashi Don ($9.50). This lunch set includes salmon and ocean trout sashimi, rice, tofu, lettuce, ginger, pickled purple unidentifiable bits of vegetable (my ignorance of Japanese vegetables prevents me from giving more information) and shredded egg thingos (again, not sure what they are, but they are tasty, I assure you). It is a big lunch and a bargain – for the same price I could probably buy the same amount of fish at Coles, minus any of the other ingredients. DonToo also has a variety of other lunch sets, as well as famous curries (see the tofu curry, $6.50, pictured), which I am yet to try but which look great. Judging by the trade that DonToo does – it is not often you see Melburnians happily queuing at lunch time - all the other items on the menu must be pretty good as well.

So I can recommend DonToo as a far more interesting Japanese alternative to the standard hand rolls at Shuji Sushi (and incidentally, also far less likely lunch to give you food poisoning than ShujiSushi). Just make sure you know what you want to order before you get to the front of the queue, and for all our sakes please don’t ask for a bread roll.

Borsch Vodka and Tears, 173 Chapel St Windsor

Generally I am not a fan of breakfast out, as I am usually ravenous upon waking and by the time I have been served my breakfast at a restaurant I am eating out of the sugar bowl and entering a hypoglycaemic coma. So I go for the midway option – brunch. It allows for a small breakfast at home, and then the whole hog out, minus the abovementioned coma.

So Sunday brunch this week was at Borsch Vodka and Tears, a restaurant/bar serving contemporary polish food. It is located on the often far too cool-for-school Chapel St, and I am sorry to say that you will have to dodge a few rayban adorned gentlemen squeezed into a black skinny jean/checked shirt combo to get in the door. Despite my aversion to hipster fools and inappropriately dressed women (it’s a Sunday morning ladies, no need to put the good china on display), I must admit that Borsch has long been on my list of haunts, but for the sake of the review, will attempt to review it with fresh eyes.

The restaurant is predominantly an evening restaurant/bar and it’s décor if along those lines – half melted candles running along the bar, more vodka bottles than a Russian wedding and heavy velvet curtains. So, really, the place is at its best on a dark cold night where you feel like nursing a cocktail and eating the kind of food your polish grandmother would make you … if you had one (sadly, I do not).

I order the potato blintzes with smoked salmon and sour cream ($13) and a English breakfast tea. The tea come served in a cute little set, complete with its own tray. The tea tastes fantastic but it is probably because I love the tea set so much that I am biased. The blintzes are a little rubbery and I suspect they were made some time ago and then reheated, which is unfortunate as they are usually incredible here. But the smoked salmon is good quality and fashioned into a rose – a nice touch (clearly I am not hard to please!). Husband shuns caffeine in favour of a Bloody Mary to counter the effects of a particularly lethal punch at the preceding evenings festivities. It looks tasty, and apparently is. It comes with a large celery stalk, two olives and a large slither of cucumber. Husbands mood begins to noticeably improve with each sip. He also orders the big breakfast, which comes with everything you would expect in a traditional big breakfast, with a little polish flair by way of pickles and a potato blintz. Husband says it is delicious, and at the rate he clears the massive plate of food I believe him, although I don’t get a chance to taste any of it (unless I was willing to loose a finger).

My biggest criticisms is really that the place feels a little stark in the day time. Add to this a strange soundtrack – mostly the greatest hits of Queen – played at such a loud volume that you need to shout a little to hear your companion, and it doesn’t have the nicest lazy Sunday vibe. I think I much prefer dinner here – the pierogi and the polish gnocchi are fabulous and make me a little weepy (in a good way).

So full, merry and slightly deaf from Bohemian Rhapsody, we head back out onto Chapel St to once again dodge the increasing traffic flow of previously mentioned hipster fools and enjoy the rest of our Sunday.

EARL Canteen, 500 Bourke, Lt Bourke St courtyard, Melbourne

Still suffering vivid flash backs from my Tuesday lunch at Laksa Me (I may perhaps be unable to ever eat pork again) I tentatively stepped out of the office for Wednesday lunch, desperate for my spirits to be lifted.

I am happy to report that my spirits have been lifted, to soaring heights. And this is because of four little words - twelve hour roasted lamb. The place where this little miracle is available is Earl Canteen, tucked away in the new courtyard complex at the back of 500 Bourke St. The place itself, which is only open for breakfast and lunch, is a sleek looking café with white walls and floors that spills out onto the courtyard giving it a very open and light feeling. It is obviously meant to be ‘upmarket takeaway and café’ following the example set by Café Vue. Except it’s better than Café Vue. The owner has done his time at places like Circa and Vue de Monde, and it shows, as the service is efficient and professional and the little touches (brown sugar to go with the excellent coffee, small vases of flowers on tables, crisp brown aprons on waiters) make this place feel classy and soothing at the same time. I really can’t fault the service – today the place was pumping but the few staff handled it like pros, and everything came quickly and was served with a smile. Personally, I think the food is better than Café Vue (sorry Shannon but you have spread yourself a little too thin these days) and Earl is, along with the service, a whole lot less pretentious. Café Vue always made me feel like I was lucky to be eating there, and that I needed them more than they needed me. But HA! I don’t need you anymore Café Vue, I have a new boyfriend and his name is Earl.

But I digress – back to the lamb. It comes atop a crusty baguette filled with honeyed baby carrots and gremolata. It is soft and falls apart at the touch. It has the colour of milk chocolate, but tastes like a piece of meaty heaven. God damn, it is so so tasty. It is also $15, which many would be horrified at. ‘A sandwich for $15!!! They must be bloody joking’, I can hear my father scream. But when it is this good, its worth it. My fellow lady who lunches goes for the crispy skin free range Otway pork belly, apple, cabbage & fennel coleslaw and wilted silverbeet baguette ($13.5). She assures me it is delicious, and by the way she guarded the crackling that came with her baguette (she could see in my eyes that I was just waiting for a chance to snag a piece), she was obviously telling the truth. When I recover from my Laksa Me experience and can eat pork again I will go back and try it myself.

I finished off with a coffee, again delivered in a few minutes and perfectly made. No chocolate sprinkles on top – the Italians would be proud – and it is just the right temperature.

Oh Earl, tonight I will go to bed dreaming of your baguette. My husband will not be happy.

Xx
Ms Melbourne

Laska Me, an unfortunate experience

Where: Shop 1 16 Liverpool St, Melbourne

3/10 (mostly for the friendly and efficient service)

I used to frequent Laksa Me several years ago as a solid pre-night on the town option. It was (and still is) BYO at $10 a bottle and the food went from either standard quality to exceptional. The pandan chicken used to be succulent and flavoursome, the laksa (obviously a big part of their menu considering the name) a creamy bowl of goodness, and the meat included in most dishes of a good enough quality to keep the regulars returning.

So for Tuesday lunch I thought, why not try an old favourite?

Sadly, age has not treated Laksa Me well. Perhaps there is a new chef, or perhaps the place has changed hands, but Laksa Me, I no longer recognise you. The décor is the same, the service still reasonably quick and polite and the menu still has many of the same items. But that is it.

Let me explain. First, I went for my old favourite, the pandan chicken. This entrée ($6) used to come wrapped completely in a pandan leaf and deep fried, leaving the inside piece of chicken moist and perfectly cooked. They were like mouthfuls of heaven. Today, the pandan leaf was instead used like a decorative garnish, with a thin band wrapped around a dubious hunk of chicken. Obviously the chicken had been cooked in a pan or, possibly considering the taste, microwaved. The chicken itself was impossible to bite through and I had to resort to hands to pull it apart. Inside it was a dubious mix of pink and fat. Still, I pressed on, thinking, ‘it must taste the same’. Sigh. No. It tasted how it looked. Horrible. One mouthful and I was done, leaving 70% of the dish on the plate.

Next I went for the Laska. Laksa – not hard to do. Has been done to death by many a cheap eatery in Melbourne, and most of them seem to pull it off relatively successfully. Not here, anymore. I went with the My Mum’s Laksa ($10), a mix of noodles, spicy coconut sauce, pork, chicken and prawns. It didn’t mention them on the menu, but I just assumed that some form of vegetable would be in the laksa. Something, even a single piece of spring onion. But no, not a single vegetable. Instead it was a gelatinous hunk of over cooked noodles, think gluggy soupy sauce and large hunks of fatty meat. The only redeeming feature were the prawns, of which there were three, and I desperately searched around for more (I was hungry post entrée disaster) to no avail. Again, sigh. Another issue I had was that the meat in the dish was served in super large hunks, so large that you either had to pull it up with your chopsticks and rip it apart with an awkward hacking motion with your fork, or give up. Considering the taste of the dish, which I’d liken to muddy watery curry, I gave up. My companions were equally unimpressed and gave me the ‘I’m not going to openly say it, but you recommended this place so it’s your fault’ look. I left hungry and will never again return.

Laksa Me, you’ve changed. Today you made me sad. My mental state of bad meal induced depression was only saved by buying a 50% off pair of shoes on the way back to the office.

Cafenatics, Melbourne, 500 Bourke St, Lt Bourke St Courtyard

Monday lunch was venturing to the newest in the chain of cafes called Cafenatics. On first approach the place looks a little sterile, but once inside the woods floors and tables warm things up a little.

Food mainly consists of pre made panini, flat breads and a few cooked to order hot specials ($8 - $15 mark). Coffee, cake etc is also on offer, haven't tried the muffins yet but they look plump and tasty. I had a sundried tomato and chicken baguette, husband had a roast lamb, spinach and pumpkin baguette. Both were excellent, but the clear winner was the roast lamb, with delicious falling apart lamb mixed with just the right amount of mayonnaise and pumpkin. The bread was delightful - crispy and firm - but not too hard to pull apart with your teeth. Coffee is also good here (you would hope with what name suggests), creamy and sits will in the temperature scale (not lukewarm but not scalding hot).

So ultimately the place fits the brief well - quick, tasty and not too expensive, with plenty of seating for a city worker crowd to spend a quick lunch in. It isn't fancy, nor does it pretend to be. On the down side, there is a confusing order at the counter most of the time, but order at the table some of the time thing going on. When I was there some people were lining up to order at the counter (the queue moving very slowly), but some people who walked in were approached and served immediately by floor staff (before they'd even sat down!). Either make people line up to order or do table service. Otherwise it is confusing and unfair.

But still not a bad lunch option - you could do a lot worse around this part of the city.

7/10

Ms Melbourne

Lau’s Family Kitchen

Where: 4 Acland St

Kilda, (03) 8598 9880

I have been wanting to try this place for a very long time. I had heard great things, and knowing that Mr Lau, former owner of Flower Drum, had set this place up, I had great expectations. On a side note, I have always wondered if it was true that the Lau family lost the Flower Drum in a Poker game to the new owners (the Chinese Mafia). Perhaps that is an urban legend…

So I finally got the chance to try Lau’s a week ago. And it was one of those rare occasions where the hype did meet the reality of the restaurant. First, it is hard to get a booking. You need to do so at least a week in advance. Second, they have the dreaded two sitting system. Either 6.30 pm (too early, unless you have small children or are over 75 years of age) or 8.30 pm (too late, unless you are under 25 or European). I went for the 6.30 pm option, as I am not the nicest of people when I am hungry and didn’t think my husband would enjoy my company if I was made to wait for my dinner past 9 pm.

As expected, upon arriving, the 6.30 pm sitting had its fair share of kids. My heart sinks a little – I don’t enjoy a side of screaming three year old with my spring rolls. But this trepidation is short lived, as we are quickly greeted by a smiling waiter and swept to our table. Another small gripe – our table is smack bang centre of the bustling restaurant (and near previously mentioned whining children). It is not initially very relaxing. But the cloth napkins are laid on laps, water glasses filled and menus are placed in hand and wine list quickly flipped too. I pick a Dominique Portet sparkling rose by the glass (which was cold, full of bubbles and well worth it at $9 a glass) and husband went for a white rabbit beer ($7.50 a bottle, also very cold). In fact wine list is full of quality wines and reasonably priced, with lots of good drops by the glass.

Then to food – we order the famous lamb spring rolls, which come served with perhaps the best plum sauce I have ever tasted. We also have a dim sum selection. The prawn dim sum are excellent with a sweet and juicy centre. The pork dim sum I am not as keen on, they lack the delicate taste of the prawn version. But all round, entrees were delicious. We share three mains (all around the $30-35 mark) – the tofu and mince pork (which has also been highly rated by reviewers), king prawns and Singapore noodles. The tofu and mince pork is exceptional – moist, slightly crispy tofu, with perfectly seasoned minced pork. It is spicy, sticky and delicious over plain rice. The prawns are also done perfectly and are coated in a sweet but not too overpowering sauce. The taste of the good quality prawns is still allowed to shine through. I am hard to impress with prawns (so often overcooked, or obviously frozen, or covered in a thick gluggy sauce) so this is a definite compliment to Lau’s. The Singapore noodles are ok, if not a little bland and dry, and needed more of the good stuff (pork, prawns, spring onion etc) to reduce the noodle ratio.

All in all, the food is good enough to distract from the yelling child nearby (now sitting on mothers lap after large tantrum) and the constant stream of waiters flowing around our table. The service is exceptional – the best I’ve had in a while and food comes out at perfect intervals. Other Melbourne restaurants could learn a lot by how Lau's serves its customers. They embody the true Flower Drum spirit – polite but not overly chatty, quick, pre-emptive and seamless. Drinks are quickly refreshed, meals brought to the table one at a time and perfectly portioned out onto individual plates, and every request quickly fulfilled. To the diner it seems effortless, but after having worked in hospitality for 6 years, I know that this type of service is in fact very difficult to pull off.

Finally, after loosening the belt, I insist on dessert. Husband complains he can’t do it, so I order a banana fritter. He quickly recants and says he will have one as well. It was incredible. It took me back to my childhood at the local chinese with my parents, ticking into a banana fritter and ice cream. But better. Much better. Doesn’t sound like much, but the banana is clearly done is fresh oil that gave it a creamy, crisp yellow batter with a soft banana centre. The vanilla ice cream was good quality and the strawberries on the side completed an old fashioned but still worthy dessert. I was in heaven and ate the whole thing.

Another small issue is that there is only one toilet of the rear of the restaurant. Considering the restaurant is full every night means I had to go and check if someone was in there, then return to my seat to wait until the person in the toilet was done (as there was no space to wait by the toilet door). However, the waitress was so on the ball that amongst juggling drinks, plates etc, she watched the toilet door for me and as soon as the person using it finished, she rushed over to tell me the toilet was free. She did this without being asked, and it was lovely to have such professional service for every aspect of the dining experience.

So all in all, a lovely meal, made better by the service. It isn’t cheap ($70 a head for entrée, main, dessert and two drinks each) but it isn’t expensive either. Well worth it. In fact, we had far too much to eat, and because it was so delicious we over did it and both felt like vomiting for several hours (not because of the quality, but because of the quantity we consumed).

I think Mr Lau was better off losing the Flower Drum to the Chinese Mafia in a Poker match, as I think I enjoyed eating here more than at the Flower Drum back in its glory days. More relaxed and less of the 1970s country Chinese restaurant décor going on. In fact Lau’s has a very schmick and contemporary fit out that works well.

We walk out happy, belly full and in need of a big walk around the block.

Score (out of 10):

8/10

Note: Would have given a 9/10, but I hate sittings and I don't like having to constantly wait for the toilet (I drink a lot of water). Plus pork dim sum and singapore noodles were a let down.

So I begin …

Welcome to the first post of Fill My Belly in Melbourne. To begin, a brief description of why I am writing this blog. I have spent most of my life so far eating and drinking out, mostly on the streets of Melbourne. Really, this is my favourite thing to do. I have also spent most of my life either: a) raving about the amazing food/wine/cocktail that I had last weekend at such-and-such a place; or b) complaining about the terrible meal/shocking service/over priced drink I had at this-crappy-place last weekend. I also love to write, and love an excuse to not actually work at work.

So my husband suggested I write a blog, most likely so that I rave/complain less to him, and instead send my thoughts out into the ether that is the internet. BUT … ha ha joke is on you husband, as you are probably the only person who will be reading my blog (at least for now), and I will want to discuss my posts with you. So I hope you enjoy my posts and also enjoy filling your belly!

xx

Ms Melbourne